Behind My Door: What’s made your face go red?

By Sandi Bernhardt  

Who has had an experience that was so embarrassing it was almost impossible to stop thinking about it? 

The answer: everyone!

You couldn’t sleep, you couldn’t eat, and the tape of that horrendous moment kept playing in your brain: “If only I hadn’t said that!”

One day, I was driving to the Fort Atkinson Dairy Queen for an ice-cream sundae. As I waited for my turn at the stop sign, the opposite corner from Hardee’s, a woman got out of her car and I watched her head for its door.  

Shocked, I began yelling at the woman, “Oh, my God!  Don’t go in there!” (It might have been helpful if I’d opened my window). Horror of horrors, the poor devil had tucked the back of her filmy summer dress into (you’ve got it) her “lady briefs.” 

In an effort to gain her attention, I laid on the horn several times, while pointing toward her back, but on the last beep, she turned around, waved and smiled. Then in she went!  

How’s that for embarrassing? Can you imagine what it was like inside Hardee’s? I’m sure some acted like they didn’t see it, or grinned and elbowed each other.  

My only hope was that some courageous woman would come up behind her and say, “Excuse me, ma’am. You don’t know me, but the back of your dress is tucked into your underwear. I’ll shield you while you remove it.”

The brave woman who came to the rescue might have been tempted to avoid scrutiny and hide behind a door, but throwing embarrassment to the wind, she would choose to be a hero.

I was chatting away at a tea one spring afternoon. Around me were 20 or so women. At one point I said, “It’s time for me to go. I need to get a few groceries and some meat for dinner.” One of the women asked, “Where do you buy your meat?” 

In an effort to be helpful, I answered, “Well, I’ll tell you where I DON’T buy meat, and that’s at (fill in the blank; the store is no longer in Fort). Forging ahead, I added: “I think their meat smells like Purina Dog Chow!”

The 20 or so women fell silent. One woman, whose eyebrows had moved up to her hairline, said, “Did you know my husband is the meat manager there?” 

Whoops. I stopped sleeping, I stopped eating. And I bought a new feather pillow. 

I stayed “behind my door” and hid out.

So, that’s my current collection of embarrassing moments. There will be more. 

For more than 30 years, Fort Atkinson’s Sandra (Sandi) Bernhardt has enjoyed humorous public speaking in Wisconsin and beyond. During her career, she served as a human resources director, as well as a customer service consultant for a healthcare company. Active in the community, Sandy is a graduate of the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater and the mother of three grown sons. She is sharing her periodic column, “Behind My Door,” with FortAtkinsonOnline.com readers gratis.