Torgerson: ‘My journey in this physical world is almost complete’; donates flag to Evergreen

By Chris Spangler

Life is what you make of it, and Judy Torgerson’s has been a joyride.

But now her days are numbered, so she is writing her own obituary, gifting jewelry to loved ones and donating a new flagpole to Evergreen Cemetery.

It was on July 10th that the 72-year-old Fort Atkinson woman shared the news on Facebook.

“My journey in this physical world is almost complete,” she wrote. “Started hospice last week. Thank you to all that helped make this physical world journey more enjoyable than one could ever expect.”

As a last request, Judy asked friends and relatives to read “The Dash Poem” by Linda Ellis. Posted on https://lindaellis.life/, it is a reminder that what people do between the birth and death dates on their tombstone is what truly counts.

“Everybody I talk to, I make them promise they will read the poem ‘The Dash,’ and then I tell them, ‘I want you to promise that you always will compliment people.

“I try to compliment people wherever I go. I am building my Amway structure with people of goodwill, and I will until I cannot breathe anymore.”

A lifelong Fort Atkinson resident, Judy was born Feb. 6, 1946, to William and Virginia (Bunny) Ponyicsanyi. She graduated from Fort Atkinson High School in 1964, attended the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater and married Robert Torgerson of Jefferson on May 4, 1968. He died of a heart attack in June of 1996.

Judy was employed part time through the years at Uncle Josh Bait Co., Valley Sanitation, the Fireside Dinner Theatre, Jefferson County, American Invotech, and Bruno Independent Living Aids in Oconomowoc. At age 60, she became Nasco’s assistant director of healthcare, retiring after five years.

“Wherever I worked, whatever I did, there was no job beneath me that I couldn’t do,” Judy reflected.

She has two children, Mandy (Brian) Wagie, of Fort Atkinson, and John (Jessie) Torgerson of Oregon, Wis., and five grandchildren. Her parents, husband and brother, Mike, are deceased.

Health problems

Judy was in good health until 2014, when she suffered a stroke while driving to the store. It took some time and rehab, but she bounced back.

Two years later, she called to schedule her annual mammogram, but was told that since she now was 65, she could wait another year.

“Big mistake,” Judy said. “By the following February, I am lying on the couch and I reach over and feel a lump.”

That afternoon, Judy was diagnosed with breast cancer.

“I said to the doctor, ‘look at me, look at me, are you looking at me real good? If you notice, I look like Dolly Parton right now, and I don’t want to get out of this looking like Twiggy,’” Judy recalled. “I’m always joking, always.”

Even when facing illness.

(No wonder why doing standup comedy is at the top of her bucket list.)

At St. Mary’s Hospital in Madison, Judy underwent a mastectomy on her left breast and a reduction of her right. Unfortunately, fluid and scar tissue problems lengthened the healing process, and the surgeon held off on starting chemotherapy until time was running out.

“I lost all my fingernails, all my toenails, all the hair on my head, all the hair on my legs,” Judy said. “Blisters showed up on my legs. I still have no feeling in my hands and feet. I had mouth thrush; I passed out and was taken to the hospital because I couldn’t eat or drink for 24 hours.”

She underwent chemotherapy for 12 weeks, with the exception of the final session “because I just couldn’t take it.”

Judy then was moved to Alden Estates of Jefferson Rehabilitation and Health Care Center. She had radiation treatment each weekday for eight weeks. Again, the exception was the last one because her back had burned.

“It looked like someone had put a not iron on me,” Judy noted.

It took a while, but Judy bounced back once again.

On the rebound?

“I was living life to the fullest,” she said. “I told the doctors, ‘for whatever reason, God wants me here.’”

An avid swimmer, Judy bought a senior pass for the aquatic center and would tread water for at least an hour each day. She watched her grandson play ball at Ralph Park and played cards at the senior center.

“So everything was cool until 2022, when all of a sudden one day I became ill. They took me up to the hospital by ambulance and it was diagnosed that I had diverticulitis very bad,” Judy explained.

She was prescribed a round of antibiotics for four hours on and four hours off for nearly a week.

“And then everything went to hell in a hand basket,” Judy said, “Since then, it has been one thing after another after another.”

She went in for her six-month cancer checkup, and her oncologist took numerous blood tests followed by a bone marrow biopsy.

“Of course, that didn’t go well either, and I ended up with a contusion,” Judy said. “I was in excruciating pain and went into hospital, this time in Janesville.

“The diagnosis was that I have multiple myeloma, for which there is no cure,” she added.

Multiple myeloma is a cancer of the plasma cell, a type of white blood cell found in bone marrow that produces antibodies to help the immune system fight infections. Cancerous plasma cells produce abnormal M proteins, a high level of which can damage the kidneys and weaken the immune system. They also replace normal cells with tumors, usually in the bone marrow.

The American Society of Clinical Oncology reports that multiple melanoma is “relatively uncommon in the United States,” affecting about one in every 132 people. Approximately 30,000 cases are diagnosed each year.

“The doctor said she noticed that everything was starting to fail … my liver, kidneys,” Judy said. “She did get my kidneys back in order, but I also have congestive heart failure and COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) mixed in with all that.”

A couple weeks ago, the oncologist informed Judy that there is a three-drug chemotherapy she could try.

“But I had to be on a special diet, I had to weigh myself, I had to do this and that and there were certain things I could never eat again. No alcohol whatsoever. No quality of life. None,” Judy said.

The alternative was Rainbow Hospice Care.

“After evaluating everything, I decided I didn’t want to go through this again,” she said of chemotherapy.

Understandably, her children disagreed with Judy’s decision.

“I told them ‘I can try it and end up sicker than I am now.’ Finally, I convinced everybody that I wanted to go with hospice,” Judy said.

“I want to stay home when I die. And I want to die as quickly and painless as possible. I’m ready. But It’s not dying, actually; I’m ready for what the new experience will be.”

Right now, Rainbow Hospice Care nurses stop in twice a week and aides, three times week. While Judy still is able to walk short distances without her walker and bathe herself, she said it is nice to have help trimming her toenails and doing other such tasks.

“I thought I’d have months (to live), but the nurse today said it’s weeks. I’m feeling the best I have in a long time, so I asked, ‘what do you base this on?” Judy said.

The response: Her last blood test and her health compared to that of other multiple melanoma patients her age.

Cemetery flag

So Judy is double-timing to complete everything she wants to accomplish.

That includes contributing $4,000 for a new flagpole, American flag and landscaping at the North Main Street entrance to Evergreen Cemetery.

While meeting recently with cemetery association President Brad Wilcox and grounds supervisor Raughn Ferrell to discuss perpetual care at her and Bob’s gravesite, Judy inquired as to what projects were on the cemetery’s wish list. Wilcox said many are awaiting contributions, and then mentioned a flagpole.

“Bingo, bango! I said ‘write it up, give me a quote, let me know what it is, give me a call. I’m doing it,’” Judy said, calling herself “a flag person.”

Family and friends had donated the flagpole at Ralph Park in memory of Bob, she said, and this would mirror that effort as a memorial to the Ponyicsanyi, Torgerson and Justman families, the latter being her maternal grandparents.

“My roots run deep,” Judy said. “My mother was born here; my dad came here when I was 2. I was born here. Mike was born here. My kids were born here. Mandy’s kids were born here, so we’re on our fifth generation.”

The flagpole was erected July 12. It will be landscaped with pavers and red, white and blue flowers, matching the flagpole at the cemetery’s rear entrance.

“I’m an American. I love red, white and blue. I love the flag,” Judy said. “I want something that is lasting, something that the community can enjoy.”

That patriotic spirit will carry over to her farewell, too. While she doesn’t plan to have a funeral — “I would rather talk with people now, not (have them come to) a funeral. I’ll be damned if I’m going to throw a big party when I can’t be there,” she said — there will be an invitation-only gathering for dispersing her cremains. And because she always has loved the Fourth of July, plans are in place for some of her ashes to be shot off in fireworks.

“There will be a big party at that time,” she promised.

She continued: “From the time we’re born, everyone has a treasure chest. When it comes to my family, I want each of them to take out some of the treasures remembering me and share them.”

In the meantime, Judy is busy getting her personal affairs in order. She has penned the first draft of her obituary and met with her financial adviser.

“I also am writing my own eulogy because I want to have the last say,” Judy laughed.

Feeling appreciated

Judy said that she initially didn’t tell anyone about her multiple myeloma diagnosis because she didn’t want people to feel sorry for her. At the same time, she felt it was important to share the news.

“All of a sudden, wow, bing, bang. I never realized what an impression I’ve made on so many people,” she said, referring to the reactions from her Facebook friends. “I told someone the other day that after reading so many of these comments, I hope they can get my head through that door.”

That optimism and sense of humor have been Judy’s trademark her entire life.

“I love people. I love making people happy. Thats how I was born,” she said.

“I have been extremely blessed. I don’t ask God for anything. He’s always known what I’ve needed. My road has had rocks, but I’ve been able to kick those by the wayside.”

Her positive attitude was inherited from her mother.

“She would say, ‘Life is like a rollercoaster ride. You have your ups and downs and the curves, but remember, Judy, when you hit bottom, you’ve only got one way to go. Just don’t get off the rollercoaster,” she said. “This is true in a marriage, job, everything, life in general.”

And now that her ride is nearly over, Judy wants to leave everyone one important piece of advice:

Reflect — and then act — on your own dash.

“I have lived life to the fullest,” she said. “I am ready for the next chapter.”